Sending up Shoots - Part V

John laid in the coal black stillness of the night and listened to her sleeping. He'd discovered that when he kept deathly still he could feel the bed move ever so slightly under her deep, REM breathing. For countless nights he'd lain next to her, wishing the whole association with Tony was over and praying for sleep to come take him. But it was far from over and sleep was always most elusive. On those rare nights when sleep wasn't so shy, she'd invariably wake him with a careful nudge in the back. "You're grinding your teeth again," she'd say sweetly. "What's wrong?" Turning towards her he'd brush it off as stress at the office, but he was beginning to wonder how long she'd buy it. She was an intelligent woman, Rutgers-educated, and sooner or later she was going to figure out there was something else. He'd always loved his job. Working for Bob had been a pleasure. Why would there all of a sudden be so much tension that he awoke with sore hands from the clenching? It just didn't make sense. Bob had noticed the change in him, too. John had been working on a project he really enjoyed, but now his work looked almost as if he had no professional training whatsoever. They'd talked about it in the privacy of the large conference room, but again John passed it off as not getting any sleep at night. He even blamed her for snoring too loudly. He could think of nothing else. The chains of guilt racked his conscience day and night. There seemed to be no way out, as if he were trapped in a never-ending maze. Every time he thought he'd reached an exit, Tony's ugly face greeted him with a canine snarl. Having thought about it for weeks, John had decided that there was only one way out. He would have to keep paying Tony, month after month, year after year. Some time soon, though, their bank account was going to run dry. She was bound to notice that there was a lot of money missing the next time she balanced the checkbook. And when the well did dry up, Tony would be a piece of goose down on the doorstep of everyone he knew and loved. The slightest breeze would send the secret all over town. John shook his head. "That won't work," he mouthed to himself. "There's got to be another way." Slowly, John's eyes focused on the sliver of light coming through the curtains from the all-night diner across the street. He thought of all the wonderful times he'd spent with her: their first date, their trips to the Adirondacks, surfing on Hawaii's north shore. It was the most wonderful life anyone had ever lived. But if she was to find out, it would all be over. Suddenly a new thought poured into his mind like water into a cup. His eyes widened and he felt himself wretch. "No," he said, almost too loud. Shaking his head and closing his eyes, the words "I can't" escaped his trembling lips. Stirring slightly, she turned toward him and whispered, "You can't what?" John held his breath and pretended to be waking up. Taking a long breath to help him gather his thoughts, he said "What?", fake-yawning halfway through. "Did you say something?" she responded, pulling the covers up over her silky shoulders. "I didn't say anything, sweetie. You must have been dreaming." John hated lying to her, but in this case, he thought, maybe it was for the best. What she didn't know would surely not hurt her. "Ok," she said and turning back on her left side fell quickly back to sleep. John pushed at the air above him as if he could push the thought away. But it kept coming back, hour after hour. Finally, just before daybreak, he opened his eyes to the frightening truth. Tony was the only one in the world who knew about the awful truth he wanted so desperately to keep hidden. There was only one way out. And now John knew it. Tony had to be eliminated. Coming soon - Part VI