Kings Dominion!!

Their names read like fairy-tale monsters, instilling fear in the least of mortal men: The Dominator, Rebel Yell, Shockwave, The Grizzly, The Crypt, Berserker, The Intimidator.

We called them sissy stuff.

I hadn't been to King's Dominion for probably 25 years or more. I know I hadn't been there since I've been married, and that will be 15 years in June (Single? What's that?). I'm pretty sure I haven't been there since right after the mish, and I've been back from Argentina longer than Obama's been a lousy community organizer, and that's a long time.

So, long story even longer, we decided to take the kids down there on Saturday. It just so happens that Hannah had a dance competition there that afternoon, so we decided to kill two birds with the proverbial single stone. I must say, a great time was had by all.

It was an overcast day (perfect!!) with high temps in the low 70s (perfect!!). The park, usually packed to the gills, was surprisingly empty (perfect!!). This made for amazingly short lines, no sweaty-nastiness, and relatively high patience levels. Perfect!!

First objective: get Hannah to her competition. As this was the main reason we were there in the first place, we put major emphasis on this one. And dance she did! She was dressed like Kermit the Frog and danced to the Muppet Show theme, but with a little bit of Pressure by Queen and Vogue by Madonna. She's showing you her green eyes in the pic. They did so well. I was so proud of my little girl (who will be 12 next December...not so little anymore). I have a video of it, but not where I can access it right now.

After the dance competition it was off to the rides. This is the real reason Jacob went to Kings Dominion. Dance competition? We don't need no stinking dance competition (with apologies to B. Traven). We want us some rides!!

First we rode some family rides as appetizers. Some of them were called the Triple Spin, The Flying Eagles, The Scrambler, the Eiffel Tower and the Ghoster Coaster. All great rides. But come on. Kid stuff,right? So, let's get onto some intimidating rides.

Like, the Rebel Yell. What can be said about the Rebel Yell? It's the park's largest and longest wooden roller coaster. It drops 81 feet at its highest going a max of 56 mph. You get a maximum G-force of 4.2 (thanks Wikipedia). It shakes your brains until you think you're leaking out of one ear. It's awesome!! And better still, we walked right up to the car and got in! No fuss, no muss, no line! Beautiful! Jacob (and I) loved it. We'd revisit this ride later on in the day with the gals in tow.

Then we hit the Stunt Coaster. This thing goes from 0 to 40 mph in about a second and a half. It runs you through a cork screw and underground for a major portion of the ride and you get "shot at" by machine guns and then gasoline ignites and flames shoot everywhere. The only bad thing about this ride was that they were only running on car, so the line was super long.
Kelly and I rode The Dominator. This ride was (appropriately raised teenage voice used here) AWESOME !! This thing has the second largest vertical loop in the world at 135 ft! It also doesn't have a floor! Your maximum speed is 65 mph! The picture here is courtesy of Wikipedia. I LOVED THIS RIDE!!! My favorite of the day! Did I say that it was AWESOME!!?

Jacob and I also rode a ride I remember well from my younger Kings Dominion Days - The Shockwave. Honestly, I had to do a lot of talking to get him onto this ride. You see, it's the first roller coaster he's ever ridden that goes upside down. Not only does it do that, but you're not sitting in it...you're standing! It is now the oldest currently operating stand-up roller coaster in the country. There have even been some incidents on this thing. For instance, one guy who had freed himself from the restraints was thrown out of the coaster going 40mph. He's no longer with us. In the picture above Jacob is contemplating his imminent Shockwave doom.

Jacob told me before we got on that he was going to hate it. When we were finished, he said, "I take it back, dad. I LOVED IT!!" I knew he would. Does a good dad every lie to his son? (Insert best Scottish accent here) Not bloody likely!

Before I get to the Rebel Yell part 2, let me say that we also rode on something I seem to remember was called the Mighty Mouse roller coaster, but I guess they renamed it to The Ricochet. This was the last ride of the day and from the sidewalk, this looks like a kiddy roller coaster. But it takes so many SHARP, quick turns that it definitely is NOT a kiddy ride. But it sure is fun!

It was approaching 8pm, which is closing time at the park. Jacob was anxious to get on the Rebel Yell one more time before we drove home. Kelly agreed to go with him and I agreed to stay out with Hannah. She was having no part of it. But sweet talking dad (if I could just bottle this stuff...) talked her into going anyway. WARNING: Another one of those "I LOVED THAT" moments straight ahead.

Again, we walked up right to the car and got on with no lines. We started going up the first hill (photo, again courtesy of Wikipedia) and she made me put my arm around her. By the time we got finished riding it...THE FOURTH TIME...she was putting her hands up in the air and riding like a seasoned veteran. We didn't even get out of the cars. There was no one waiting in line, so we'd go around again yelling, "Faster! Faster!"

I think in the future when we talk about going back, maybe when Sofia comes to visit this summer, the kids will be telling me the same thing...Faster! Faster!