The Stream That Runs Through My Brain

The ducks swim faster than I can run, I bet. They have hoods on their heads. I guess that's why they call them hooded mergansers.

A new email! Oh, they want me to donate my blood. Yea, I don't think so. Why would I do that when it hurts and makes me feel woozy?

One time, while I was on my mission, my Argentine companion donated blood and thought he would be incapacitated for several days. I told him that wasn't true, that he'd only be weak for a little while. He didn't believe me, but I was proven right. I never did get along with him very much. He took a nap every day during lunch and we didn't work. What that has to do with the ducks, I don't know.

I wonder sometimes what's really inside my brain. I know there's grey matter and a big pink thing in there, but really, how does my brain work? A bird just flew past my window and another duck swam past on the shimmering pond. Geez! That light shines right in my eyes. I can barely see them. Maybe I should put down my blinds.

You know, the first time they took blood out of me, two little test tubes worth, I fainted and fell on the floor like a sack of old spuds. I awoke in the chair with a nurse hovering over me, rubbing the back of my neck and shoving an ammonia capsule up my nose. I learned from that experience and never watched them take it again. So far, so good. I'm not very good with the sight of blood. Makes me feel oogy.

I'd like to be more observant. Maybe I should take a class or something. I don't notice what people wear and I can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday. I'll remember tomorrow what I eat today, though. Papa John's pizza with peperoncinies. Yea, baby!

What was that? Oh, just a car going by out in the parking lot. Quick! Look again! Nope, just a car.

That hole in my tooth is getting larger, I think. I can fit my tongue into it quite easily now. I'm too chicken to go to the dentist about it. I know they're going to want to yank a couple of teeth out of my head, or give me another root canal or two. I'm too much of a sissy to have to endure that again. I'll just have to die with it the way it is. I can see it now. Some day, thousands of years from now, some archeologist will dig me up, look at my mouth and think I'm a missing link.

That's what all of those ...

A helicopter! I wonder what he's doing flying around here. Looking for something, I bet. Maybe some dope. You know, it shows up purple from the air. Not sure why. I was in a helicopter once. Pretty fun to fly around like that. I'd like to learn to fly, but I'm poor and can't afford the lessons. Too bad. I would have make a great helicopter pilot.

What was I thinking about? Oh, yea. All of those "missing links" and huge skulls they find. Just normal people who had not-so normal deformities. They're not a different species or anything like that. I think if those guys knew that archeologists were digging them up and calling them missing links they would get a big kick out of it. "I'm just a regular guy with an abnormally large forehead, not some forerunner to modern man." I can hear the snickering now.

Squirrel!!

Maybe I should go into the lab and get some work done. The ducks are congregating. Whoa, there's another car parking in the lot. I wish I could park in that lot. It's right next to my window, for pete's sake. But no. I have to park in the back and walk a half mile to my cube when I could walk about 25 feet. Who is that getting out of the car? Just some guy. He can't see me look at him. I could make faces at him and he'd never know. The windows are too reflective.

Wow, how many ducks are there? Hmm, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

Who is that that just walked by my window? Just some guy. I should really get some work done. Drink some water. It's good for you. My lips are chapped. I guess I'm not drinking enough.

What do I have to do tonight? Take Hannah to dance class, maybe. Ha! Don't have to get on the treadmill, though, because I'll go to basketball instead. I've got to find more referees for the stake season coming up. I don't want them calling too many games on a Saturday.

Only another 55 minutes left until I can eat my pizza. I love Papa John's pizza. Another email. This one's about our lab. Ok, ok! I'm going! Gotta get back to the lab. I should rewrite the ending to that story. It didn't make much sense.

Neither does this entry, I guess, but that's the way I think. Shaking my head won't make it any better, either.

And Kelly wonders why I keep forgetting things. There's just too much going on up there. All the new stuff won't fit.

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Open Letter

An Open Letter to the President of the United States

9 November 2012

Dear Mr. President...

Let me be honest about this right up front. I didn't vote for you in 2008 and I didn't vote for you in 2012. In fact, I'm a little amazed that ANYONE could vote for you either time. I shake my head and puzzle over it every day. With the economy the way it is, the unemployment rate the way it is, the national debt the way IT is, how could anyone vote for the guy who made it that way? That's you, by the way.

It's just unbelievable to me, frankly, given the fact that we had a very good man ready to take your seat in the Oval Office, who not only has business acumen but experience doing the job. He could have gotten us on the road to recovery. Simply put, Mr. President, if this had been a business you'd have been out on your butt long ago, pounding pavement like the other 20 million people who are out of work. And frankly, I think that's the way it should be.

But alas, here we Republicans are with the post-election blues, licking our wounds and hoping for a better day...soon. But though I do not like the outcome of Tuesday's election, I respect the democratic process and am grateful that we live in a land wherein we can cast our vote and let our voices be heard. If my guy lost (which he did), so be it. More props to the man who didn't.

Honestly, I wish you luck, Mr. President, and Godspeed. I hope you succeed in making this a better place to live. I really, really do. Even if it means electing another Democrat in four years, that's fine, as long as our country is back where it was meant to be...on top.

But doggone it, Mr. President, you work for me. I'm your boss. I, and the millions like me, are the ones to whom you should answer, not China, not Israel, not Iran or Iraq. Me! And though I didn't vote for you (either time), I'm still your boss.

So, accordingly, I'm going to do something I very rarely do. I'm going to give you a direct order.

Fix this economy!

Get people back to work!

Get us out of debt!

Tell the truth about Benghazi!

Work with the Republicans to clean up this fiscal cliff issue!

And when you get finished with all of that, quit bowing to foreign dignitaries! We're the United freaking States! We don't bow to anybody!

Do you understand me?

Now get to work and don't make me tell you again. Otherwise, I'm sure we'll all be seeing what the United States would have looked like had Jimmy Carter gotten a second term.

Very Sincerely,

Your boss
Stefan Schetselaar, et al.

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Turn The Lights Out, The Party's Over

I didn't sleep very well last night. All night long I tossed and turned, nightmares of four more years dancing through my head. Four more like the last four.

Then I awoke and found, to my horror, that it wasn't really a nightmare at all...it was true.

Even the casual reader of my blog will know that I'm no fan of Barack Obama. I didn't vote for him in 2008 and I didn't vote for him in 2012. I've had signs in my yard both times touting the virtues of his opponents, and both times I've been disappointed and saddened by his victory.

Last time I kept my mouth shut.

This time, not so much.

As my good wife said to me this morning, "Did you really think we could get a good, decent, God-fearing man in the White House with the way our country is today?"

Exactly.

I retired last night before the final results were announced, but by 10:15pm it was already pretty apparent what those would be. I didn't see the "celebration" that took place in Chicago nor the disappointment etched on a good man's face. Both of those images were on the news this morning and caused me more pain than I was willing to endure. So I turned them off.

People were, I'm told, dancing in the streets celebrating this "victory". I'm happy that people enjoyed themselves, but let's take a quick look at what they had to be so happy about.

Millions of people are still out of work, many of them so disgusted with their prospects that they have quit looking.

The economy has lately shown signs of life, but it's still awful.

Gas prices are still high and the price of food has skyrocketed.

One in six children is still living in poverty.

Our good country is still $16 trillion dollars in debt and getting further into it every single day.

Same sex marriage became legal in another state, Maryland, as did legalized gambling.

Recreational use of marijuana was passed in Colorado and Washington.

Abortion is still legal in ALL states.

All great reasons to celebrate folks, but let me quote a VERY sage individual when I say that "it's too bad the country can't see that we needed REAL change by electing honest people and passing upstanding laws that are in our best interest and in line with our Maker's commandments."

Amen, brotha.

There are a couple of verses in the Book of Mormon that I think are very applicable to our current situation. They're located in the book of Mosiah, 29th chapter, 26th and 27th verses. It reads thus:

"Now it is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right; therefore this shall ye observe and make it your law—to do your business by the voice of the people.
And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land."

Let me make myself perfectly clear here. I do not believe Barack Obama to be a wicked man. I think he really believes in what he's doing. Heck, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he even believes he's the answer to all of our problems. But good man or not, our country is in TERRIBLE shape right now, worse than it was 4 years ago and worse than it's been in a long time. We needed that "REAL change" NOW, not in four years when he's brought us to our collective knees. The way our country is headed, who knows if we will even be here in 4 more years?

Let's be honest. This country, as a whole, does not keep the commandments of the Lord. There are good people out there to be sure, even great people, who do keep them. But by and large, we do what we want to do and say what we want to say no matter what the Lord thinks about it. In fact, we've relegated the Almighty to something we do on Sunday morning, if we feel like it, and then forget about the rest of the week.

Well, now is the time to be frank. There's a storm gathering out there. Not a storm of wind and rain and snow, though I imagine He might use nature to prove His point as well as anything else. Rather, it's a storm of wrath and destruction.

I know. I sound like a neocon Bible-thumper. I sound like a guy standing out in the street in a robe with a long beard and a sign that reads, "The End Is Near!". Believe me, I get it, but as it turns out, I also embrace it.

See, the Book of Mormon also talks about that, stating that in the last days people will say, "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die and it shall be well with us." I see that all around me...today. Legal marijuana, trillions of dollars spent every year, a ruler that fiddles while Rome burns.

All I have to say to that is this:

Better end the celebration a little early tonight, fellas, 'cause the Father of this family is on His way home and he's going to be pretty ticked off that you threw a party while He was away!

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