Not So Much

I'm a cyclist. Not a great one. Not even a good one. But a cyclist nonetheless.

For the last 15 to 20 years, if you're a cyclist, you look up to Lance Armstrong. I mean, there was no one better in the whole world. Seven Tour de France titles? Come on. No one else had even won six. And he did it in consecutive years!

Since I read his book, "It's Not About The Bike", back in 2002, I have been a big fan. Having lost my dad to cancer, I marveled at Armstrong's comeback from the disease and was thrilled when he won each of his seven championships. I kept track of the Tour on my PC and shed tears of pride when he won. I even bought his bracelets and wore them for months on end.

The year before, in 2001, I watched with amazement as he and Jan Ullrich ascended L'Alpe-d'Huez. Armstrong had a lead of a couple of bike lengths when he turned and faced Ullrich and gave him what's now known as "The Look". "I'm leaving you in the dust," he seemed to say, "and there's nothing you can do about it." Unbridled, raw talent mixed with pure machismo.

And performance enhancing drugs.

After years of vehemently denying he had doped, it now appears that Lance is set to confess to the world that he cheated. Instead of shedding tears of pride and joy like I did in the years between 2002 and 2007, now I feel like shedding tears of pain and disgust.

I'm not one for cheaters. As with Roger Clemens, I stood behind Lance through the thick of it, never daring believe that he was lying to me and trusting that he was telling the truth, no matter what anyone else said. I chose to believe him, to take him at his word. Now that trust has been betrayed and I feel like I've been punched in the gut.

Honestly, I almost wish he'd kept it to himself. I was blissfully ignorant. Despite what everyone else said about him, I still trusted him. Now, not so much.

I've done some soul searching during the last few days and here's what I've found. Lance did a lot of good in this world. He's raised millions of dollars for cancer research. I know, I've heard the same reports you probably have, that most of that money went to pay staff and to buy advertising for cancer awareness. I still think he's done a lot of good.

Let's look at the facts. A lot of average Joe's like me have taken up cycling and gotten in better physical shape, at least in part because of him. Many, many people say that they've been cured of cancer because of his efforts. Who knows how many lives he's saved during his 41 years? A person who's done that kind of good can't be all bad, can they?

So, I have to ask myself, "why confess now?" Why tell we millions of fans who supported you, and supported Livestrong, that you've been pulling the wool over our eyes for years? Why not just keep it to yourself? I mean, I touted your skills for years! I cheered you on in every single race! I even bought a cotton-picking yellow jersey!

Here's what I think.

First, doping aside, Lance is still an amazing athlete. Most athletes of his caliber have extremely healthy egos. Being out of the public eye is a blow to their psyche. Look at Tiger Woods as a case in point. I liked him, too.

Second, Lance will be 42 in September. Father Time is coming up the drive toward his front door. How many years of competitive life do you think Lance has left in him? His lies notwithstanding, Lance is no idiot. He recognizes this, too.

Third, a lifetime ban is a loooong time. I think he realizes that if he can somehow reduce that virtual death sentence he might be capable of remaining a celebrity a little while longer.

Fourth, Lance can't compete in any of the USADA-sponsored events he loves so much. No Tours, no triathlons, no mountain-biking competitions, no nothing. He's done. He can't compete.

When you take all four reasons together, I think Lance thinks he can make this ugly situation go away just like he has done with everything else in his life. For years he figured that if he told a lie long enough, it would somehow become true, so that ugliness went away. Now he realizes that won't work after all, so tell the truth and make it go away. The American public is dumb. We'll forgive anyone. We reelected Bubba, didn't we?

I'd seriously love to think that Lance just wants to come clean, but I don't. I'd like to think he wants to clear his conscience, but I don't. I want to like Lance, but I don't.

Still, it will be interesting to see what unfolds for him in the next little while.

But seriously, I think I'll pay attention now and save myself a few bucks when the book comes out.

And you know it will.

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